The Heart Starts With Love.
Love Is What Trust
Has Been Put Into
Saving For All The Years Alone
Built Up
For The One Day
It Is Stolen
Believing In
What Was Thought
To Never Exist
So Strong
So Pure
Indescribable
Handing Over A Heart
Handing Over A Life
Trust
That It’ll Never Break
Though Being Held
By A Thread,
The Smallest Thing
Could Make It Disintegrate
Believe
The Heart
Has Been Stolen
That Scars Are
No Longer An Option
After Life Promises
Have Originate
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey there!
One thing that immediately stood out to me was that every single word is practically capitalised. It's distracting, not needed, and technically grammatically incorrect.
It's a nice idea you have here, and a very good base, but at the moment it feels a little unfinished. I would recommend adding in more emotions, adding in more feeling. You could also try incorporating some really powerful imagery or something. That way your poem will begin to have some backbone, if you see what I mean.
~Amy
hello.
i love this simple but sweet poem. though, of course it 's unnecessary to write all the words beginning with capital letters.
no further ado. keep it up.
i like this part.
I like the structure of this poem, the short, edgy lines give it a bit of a rougher, more emotional feel. And the language is masterfully simplistic.
.
Try
Besides that little nitpick, great job and keep writing.
EMpress
Hello there!
So, this poem is sweet, but there are a few things:
You need a "with" instead of "of" here.
Huh? Do you mean "it is to be stolen?"
This is my favorite part.
The beginning is an incorrect sentence. You can't "trust in that" something. Change it to "trust in the fact that" or simply "trust that."
Also, "break" is redundant here. Use a synonym or a different phrasing.
The "in" doesn't belong here, so take it out.
I would read your poem out loud and find places where the words don't seem to flow right. Try merging a few lines together. The flow seemed a bit broken up and choppy to me, and combining lines could help this.
Also, why is every single word capitalized? This also makes it hard to read and choppy in my opinion.
I did, however, like some of the thoughts and feelings running through this poem. Good job!
Keep writing,
Hawks
This would be a good song, but as it is about love, it wouldn't be a good poem. You chose the right forum. Thank you.
This song is... pure emotion. There aren't many descriptions, but the song is not worse for this, in fact, the simplicity of the song is endearing.